I drift through so many days, and I’m suddenly feeling glad to be alive. I’ve been dancing around the living room and rediscovering treasures as I tidy up. I might not have the most exotic life, but I have so much. I just found the stationery I brought back from Japan 8 years ago, the stuff I was scared to use and use up because I didn’t know where I’d get any more, but now I’m planning my next trip out there in May. I can use that stationery to tell everyone how excited I am 🙂
I can travel. I have the means, the time and the ability. I might not like my belly (I’ve only got myself to blame for that) but I’m OK to do whatever I want.
I’ve been feeling lonely recently, I’m still new to this city. I don’t yet have someone down the road to hang out with although I am looking, but I have friends in other cities, countries and continents who brighten my days with messages and letters. I have more letters and postcards than I know what to do with!
I know my family are there for me. They want me to be happy, and to do well. And I want the same for them.
I have my own space now, my own furniture. And I have space for my life and my hobbies, the sewing is slowly taking over the dining table and for the first time in years I have room for all my books. OK the damp and mold follow me around but buying a house is suddenly a few years off not never.
The new job has me wanting to stay and learn and settle. I never expected to end up in Derby or railway engineering but I’m not complaining (except about getting up on Monday’s and on slow afternoons). And if I occasionally wonder ‘what if’ it’s not with the desperation I used to have. How do I ask my manager to fund a masters degree?! I have a path now. I’m signing off on projects I designed, with help but there are people there willing to help me.
And tomorrow I’m going to meet one of my best friends and feed the ducks. Go team me!
There’s a world out there I want to be part of 🙂 and when I feel that things are hard work I’ll just have to look back here and remember how to enjoy life.